Daily Devotional

A few years ago Jenn and I went to a marriage conference at Hume Lake. One of the activities offered was dance lessons. Jenn loves to dance and she is very good at it. I stink. So I said, “Hon, why don’t we go take some dance lessons.” She said, “Really? You’d do that for me?” I said, “Absolutely. I just need you to be patient with me because I have a lot to learn.”

We learned the ‘box step’, a ‘waltz’, and a ‘line dance’. In the ‘box step’, I started out pretty awkward and missed a lot of steps. But as we practiced, I started to grow in gracefulness. As we moved around the floor I would say things like ‘slow, slow, quick, quick…one, two, three…side-to-side. As I was learning the steps, more than once I got out of rhythm and stepped on Jenn’s foot. But she was patient with me. And as I got more practice, I got the steps in my head, and I started to get it. Needless to say, I scored major points with my wife that day.

As I thought through the ‘dance steps’, I thought of the rhythms found in James 1:19.

James 1:19b But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

Quick, slow, slow…Quick, slow, slow. If I want to align with others in communication, I have to follow the rhythm of James 1:19: Quick, slow, slow. But as with learning to dance, I sometimes get out of rhythm. I’m slow to listen to the people I love the most. I jump in with my answer before I’ve heard them out. I get frustrated at what they’re saying and answer quickly out of anger and impatience. And I end up stepping on their toes, rather than gliding gracefully through the conversation.

Let’s take a closer look at each step:

1. Quick to Listen
This means valuing what others have to say over your own words or desires. It means taking the time to understand what’s going on. When my son is expressing frustration at me for something I did, I don’t stop him from sharing what he’s feeling, I let him get it out. When Jenn is venting about something going on at school, I let her get it all out before I say anything. And even after she’s done, I’ve learned that she appreciates me listening more than trying to fix it. If she wants my counsel, I wait for her to ask for it.

2. Slow to speak
I don’t say the first thing that pops into my mind. I wait…and wait. I practice allowing silence. If someone shares an opinion I disagree with, I don’t respond immediately. I think and pray about what words I should use. And whether or not it is worth sharing my own opinion at all. I’ve found that when I share the gospel with someone, and they disagree, I will just ask questions about what they believe, and listen intently. Slow to speak. And then see if God opens a window of opportunity where they ask me what I believe. There’s the platform, and I go for it!

3. Slow to become angry
I’m not an angry person, but impatience is often my response when I’m frustrated. And that makes people feel like I’m angry. To guard myself against anger, I sometimes take a mental, even literal, step back from the person or situation. If someone in my family had a bad day, I don’t let their ‘shortness with me’ or ‘defensiveness’ store up in me. I let them calm down. I pray for words to bring peace into the situation, reminding them I am for them.

Of course none of this is possible without the power of the Holy Spirit within us. To grow in the ‘steps’ quick, slow, slow…quick, slow, slow…it takes prayer, and it takes practice. I’m still not a good dancer, but I’m better. If Jenn and I danced more, I’d get even better. When it comes to the ‘dance’ of aligning with others in communication, keep the rhythm of quick, slow, slow in mind. Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, and watch your relationships grow.

New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.