Daily Devotional

I am a knight. Well, sort of.

My father developed a set of “coming-of-age” ceremonies for me and my brothers based on medieval Europe’s code of chivalry. We had a “page ceremony” at eight and a “squire ceremony” at thirteen. After demonstrating competency in a dozen or so areas (finance, childcare, spiritual growth, and hospitality, to name a few), I received my “knight ceremony” shortly before my nineteenth birthday, at which point I was officially a man. The sword from that ceremony is proudly displayed in my office.  There’s lots I could say about these ceremonies, but today, I want to share the definition of a “real man” that formed the heart of this process.

See, our world lacks any agreed-upon definition of what it means to be a man. Some people think being a man is an inherently bad thing, whining about “toxic masculinity.” Others argue that being a man means using your strength, smarts, and swagger to take advantage of those weaker than you. It’s unclear what, if anything, makes a man a man. Is it having giant muscles and hair on your chest? Being smart and successful? Making all the girls faint when you walk by, like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast?

What is a real man? Here’s the definition my father gave me:

A real man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward.

A real man rejects passivity: he doesn’t sit on the couch all day eating Cheetos. The passive man is acted upon, at the mercy of external forces. The real man is a man of action: he does stuff. He works, learns, loves, protects—all action words. He lives to serve and not be served (Mark 10:45).

A real man accepts responsibility. Each man has a set of roles and duties that God has given him. Son. Brother. Student. Worker. Citizen. Husband. Father. A real man embraces these. In so doing, he strives to be F.A.T. and H.O.T.: faithful, available, teachable, honest, obedient, and trustworthy. Real men get told, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).

A real man leads courageously.  Real men take initiative in the leadership of their family, church, and community. They lead by setting goals, making decisions, working hard, encouraging others, and most importantly by serving. And true leadership must be courageous. A real man doesn’t back down because something is difficult or because he might fail or because other people might laugh at him. A real man perseveres: he “does not grow weary of doing good” (Galatians 6:9)

Lastly, a real man expects the greater reward. He delays gratification, shows self-control, chooses a better reward later instead of an easy one now. Real men strive for the greatest reward—the commendation of their heavenly Father—even if it means forsaking lesser rewards like pleasure, power, wealth, or achievement. A real man does everything “as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward” (Colossians 3:23–24).

To illustrate this, let’s consider one of the Bible’s least manly men: Adam. In Genesis 3, Adam fails to be a real man by every measure of this definition. When an evil snake is smooth-talking his wife into destroying paradise, what does Adam do? Nothing. He’s passive. Even though God gave Adam dominion over the things that crawl on the ground (Genesis 1:28), Adam neglects his responsibility and allows one of those very crawly-things to wrest control of his domain away from him. When confronted, he avoids responsibility again, shifting the blame onto “the woman that YOU gave me” (Genesis 3:12). Put another way, the Fall is a direct result of Adam’s failure to lead; he lets his wife and himself be led by a talking snake instead. Courage is totally absent: Adam literally ends up hiding in the bushes. Finally, the Bible says Eve was deceived, but I think Adam knew exactly what he was doing. He deliberately chose to succumb to the pressures of the moment instead of remembering his higher calling. Had Adam been seeking the greater reward, he should have offered himself as a sinless substitute for his bride who was now under a death curse. But he doesn’t.

Before we blast Adam as a milktoast beta male, remember that Adam’s failure is hereditary. All men descended from Adam face the same temptations he did: to become passive, shirk our responsibility, hide in fear instead of leading, and choose temporary pleasure instead of the greater reward. The world is full of Adams.

But where Adam failed, Jesus succeeded. Jesus didn’t sit idly by while sin attacked the people He loved. He set in motion a plan of redemption, which includes His setting aside His heavenly glory and taking on flesh (Philippians 2:7): the ultimate rejection of passivity. No one accepted responsibility better than Jesus: He was a man on a mission, regardless of temptation or distraction (cf. Matthew 4:1–11). When Jesus faced His ultimate responsibility—bearing the sin of the world and enduring the Father’s wrath, a responsibility so terrible it made him sweat blood—He chose to accept it (Luke 22:41–44). Jesus also led courageously: when the path forward meant facing torture, humiliation, abandonment, and death, Jesus didn’t back down. He chose the ultimate, heroic act of servant leadership: laying down His life for His sheep (John 10:11). And Jesus did all this because He was seeking the greater reward: “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). Both Adam and Jesus had a bride that was under a death curse, but only Jesus had the courage to do what was needed to save her. Want to know what a real man looks like? It’s Jesus.

So here’s my encouragement to all the men out there (including me): be like Jesus; don’t be like Adam. Reject passivity. Accept responsibility. Lead courageously. Seek the greater reward. Pursue these things in relationship with God and in relationship with others, and you will be a real man – a knight, even!

"English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers."